IT WAS ON FIRE WHEN I LAY DOWN ON IT....

We had a Memorial Day family picnic (4 generations) at son Jon's house yesterday. He and his wife Jamie put a whole pork shoulder into their smoker on the deck for hours. Steve and I were there all day, just hanging out. At one point Jon, who is a professional firefighter, looked out the kitchen door and said casually, "Uh-oh, rug's on fire." And it was. Some grease or something had spattered and the indoor-outdoor rug under the smoker was in flames. Jon sounded as excited as if he'd said, "Uh-oh, dog spilled her water." He just went easily out the kitchen door, turned on the hose, put out the fire, and came back inside to his beer and the conversation. They finished smoking the meat and put it on the grill to brown for an hour or so. My dog Journey, who was tied out back under the apple tree and who had been quiet all day (still trying to find the route to China, it turned out) suddenly set up this frenetic barking. I yelled at her to shut up, but Jamie said thoughtfully, "She sounds upset. Maybe the grill's on fire." It was. Flames all over the place. Jon had left the hose there from his own firefighting effort, so Jamie turned it back on and doused the grill. I said, "You guys sure take crises casually around here." Even Journey was freaking out -- "Hey! People! You've Had This Great-Smelling Meat Cooking All Day And IT'S ON FIRE!!!!" Jamie said, "No big deal... the hose was right there. People wonder why Abbie takes everything in stride.... guess she gets it from being our kid."

Actually it may come from being our grandkid. When we were raising our kids, I remember things like.... "Knock, knock.... yawn... Daddy... yawn..... there's a bat in my room. Yawn." A kid coming into the kitchen, pouring herself a glass of water, taking a swallow, "Mom... Jonathan fell out of the tree onto the rake." Swallow. Me, taking bread out of the oven: "Which way was the rake pointing?" Kid: "Up." Swallow. Me, buttering tops of bread: "Is he bleeding? Is he crying?"

OH YEAH...... I FOUND OUT TODAY I GOT THE GYM JOB!!!

I don't look like the trainer here but I'm eager to start the job. Maybe I'll look like that by the end of the summer. (Are those girls twins? Is the guy the trainer or is he looking at her boobs? Or both?) The owner/manager said, "Well, you've got cherself a job. I was kinda hoping no one else would apply." I thought, "Well then, why didn't you take the sign down after you talked to me??" But anyway. They're going to call me about coming in for a little training, and then I'll get to sit there 15-20 hours a week and watch guys work out in their spandex and tank tops, and I'll get to work out, too, as much as I want as long as the work's done. Too cool!!