Tonight I'm feeling homesick for the Trail. I miss my hiking companions.
Maybe I should have stayed out there.
If I'd done some things differently, maybe I could have.
If certain things had been otherwise, I would have.
But I didn't, and things are they way they are.
Maybe I shouldn't have stopped.
Maybe I could have kept going.
If I could have.... should I have? Would I?
You know what.... "Should have..." "Would have..." "Could have...."
These are all useless speculations. Whenever we say these words, the fact of the matter is, we didn't. Pondering whether we should have, or would have, or could have, is continuing to try to make a decision that has already made.
The reality is, we didn't. Learn from it, pick it up and go from there; don't waste energy imagining how things might be different if we had, because imagining is all we can do. Better to direct one's power into the reality that is now.
Tomorrow's docket holds some serious hills on the bike. 20 miles, to the bottom of SavageMan's first, 4-mile "dangerous descent" (verbatim from course cue sheet), and then back up it.
I would have been irreparably sorry if my prospects for SavageMan disappeared -- if I chose the Trail, and then, for whatever reason, SavageMan was discontinued. This I knew.
I "could have" broken my ankle out there if I'd kept on, and and not been able to have either the Trail or SavageMan.
This way, I have both.