Thursday, July 09, 2009

COULDA, SHOULDA, WOULDA

Tonight I'm feeling homesick for the Trail. I miss my hiking companions.

Maybe I should have stayed out there.
If I'd done some things differently, maybe I could have.
If certain things had been otherwise, I would have.

But I didn't, and things are they way they are.

Maybe I shouldn't have stopped.
Maybe I could have kept going.
If I could have.... should I have? Would I?

You know what.... "Should have..." "Would have..." "Could have...."

These are all useless speculations. Whenever we say these words, the fact of the matter is, we didn't. Pondering whether we should have, or would have, or could have, is continuing to try to make a decision that has already made.

The reality is, we didn't. Learn from it, pick it up and go from there; don't waste energy imagining how things might be different if we had, because imagining is all we can do. Better to direct one's power into the reality that is now.

Tomorrow's docket holds some serious hills on the bike. 20 miles, to the bottom of SavageMan's first, 4-mile "dangerous descent" (verbatim from course cue sheet), and then back up it.

I would have been irreparably sorry if my prospects for SavageMan disappeared -- if I chose the Trail, and then, for whatever reason, SavageMan was discontinued. This I knew.

I "could have" broken my ankle out there if I'd kept on, and and not been able to have either the Trail or SavageMan.

This way, I have both.

4 comments:

bunnygirl said...

You're right that you have to let it go. You made the best choice you could based on the facts available at the time. You can have anything you want, but not everything you want.

Good luck with the tri training!

Dianne R G said...

Hey Ellie==I was keeping only a loose watch on you, and you were off the trail over a week before I knew about it. I know you will have many regrets and replays, but, hey, it was for FUN!! Some of us actually think the whole idea of making the whole thing in one year goes against the spirit of the long trail. It is to be enjoyed, not endured. Better to know small sections well than to just knock out kilometers. Of course I may be saying this because many years ago I went through the "I'd like to do that," but then realized it wasn't for me. For some people it is the whole thing. For some people it is the whole thing in segments, and for some people it is just enjoying the moment. what is important is discovering who we are. Nameste, Dianne

ShirleyPerly said...

Hey, the trail will ALWAYS be there, no? Races, OTOH, no guarantee, esp. in this economy. Hope your weekend went well!

2008 GOALS said...

Heck, I thought you got off so I can finish it with you another year! The trail will always be there (well, it will certainly outlast you and me) and not everyone that hikes it all does it in one calendar year.

I suspect this won't be the end of your AT days. At least I hope not!