Saturday, November 18, 2006

CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD

Yeah. Another one of those religious posts.

I don't sleep well. I have hot flashes and sweats and then when I throw the covers off I get cold. I'll wake up and find it still nearly dark but I hear birds and think or say out loud, "Are those damn birds at it already? Why can't I have a couple more hours?"

So this morning I woke up in the dark, looked at my watch. 4:30. I said a silent "Thank you, God! I get another 3 more hours of sleep."

Nope.

Awake. Not stewing over anything in particular, just wide awake. Couldn't get comfortable. Too hot. Too cold. Bed too hard. Thinking about music.... how to adapt the theme from "Legends of the Fall" to play as a waltz that would sound old-timey on the fiddle, like "Tenessee Waltz" or "Beautiful Dreamer." What a stupid thing to be thinking about trying to sleep.

No sleep.

I said prayers. Lord's Prayer. Psalm 23. Both generally have a hypnotic effect on me. I rarely get all the way through Psalm 23.

Nope.

I said silently, "Lord, what do you want?" (And I didn't say it nicely.) "I'm trying to sleep here. I'm going to be tired. My whole day will be a mess if I'm tired. I'll feel crappy and I'll mess things up and I won't be any good for anything. If you're so great than make me sleep."

And I got..... "We never spend any time together. You're so busy during the day, we hardly cross paths." So I brought up all the things I'm worrying about. It just got me riled. I said, "So, this isn't helping me any. What do you want to talk about?" I got...."Who said we had to talk? I just want to keep company with you." So I stopped but my mind just went into uncomfortable-silence mode. After a few minutes, I volunteered again, "This isn't helping me. I'm going to be tired." I got, "Would I wake you up to keep company with you and let it hurt you? Be still, and know that I am God."

And after a spell of dwelling on that verse.... well, I seem to have slept. I woke up before the alarm feeling rested and ready to get up.

Gotta go take the dog out now and get to work.

5 comments:

runr53 said...

Conversations with God are better than the alternative conversations, right? Run Good! And God Bless!

Cliff said...

Ellie,

Great post. Lately I haven't had enough sleep yet. At the same time i talk to God more about my problems..and what i am feeling..

What a great God He is to willing to sit down and just be by ourselves at all times. Especially at times when we don't feel like or don't think we need it.

GP said...

Now your can run the race He has planned for you...

Running (or riding horses)... is G-d's gift.

Happy trails
GP in Montana who frequently runs against the wind here :)

Lisa said...

Even Jesus woke up early for quiet time with God. Be thankful that He is there for you. :)

Mark 1:35
And rising very early in the morning, while it was still dark, he departed and went out to a desolate place, and there he prayed.

Lana said...

Hi Ellie - just ran across your blog. What an awesome post. I love that verse, and I have to remind myself of the same thing.