DISCOMBULATED

Boy, I can't wake up and get going this morning. I just don't feel with it.

We were expecting to keep Abbie all day and night but turns out we're not. This leaves a free day, which is good, since I don't seem to be able to get it together. I have either a 30-mile bike or 1-hour run planned, whichever I was able to make time for, but now I have time for either or both, but I feel more like going back to bed.

Well, I can go out and hike some trails and renew the trail-markers. I got paint 3 weeks ago to do this and haven't been able to get out and do it. And I can defrost the fridge. That needs doing. This evening I'm going to my mom's fiddle contest. She doesn't expect to win anything. She's been feeling the last few years that fiddle-playing is a burden, doesn't play it unless there's a contest coming up, then "practices" for that (not the same effect as playing all the time for fun), doesn't win, and says she doesn't really feel into it anymore. She was a professional cellist all her life (New York Philharmonic, National Symphony) but she never plays it anymore except in church on special occasions, for which she drags it out and "practices." She says she guesses "her days as a musician are fading." She's 85 and her whole life has been music -- professionally, recreationally and competitively. To hear her say she's washed up as a musician... it sounds like she sees herself as a thing of the past. It sounds ominous.